Executive Perks


I was recently privileged enough to enjoy the perk of Executive Bathroom usage.
To be upfront. For years I had visions and imaginations, yes even dreams and fantasies – if you will -what following natures call would be like behind the hallowed gates of the executive bathroom.
And then completely unexpected I was handed the proverbial keys.
There is a Simpsons episode, where Homer is promoted to executive at the Springfield Nuclear Powerstation and as a perk gets the golden key to executive bathrooms. Upon first use he is greeted with the splendor of marble, gold and angel choirs singing. Not quite my experience, but close.
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Look at this view. In those lonely moments of serenity, the eyes are treated to the blank canvas of white faux marble tiles. Visual accents are provided by two bands of significantly smaller tiles that are further enhanced with richly detailed ornamentations that soothe the mind and strengthen the bold and wise resolve of the Titans Of Industry seeking relieve here. The silent sentry of a stall separation wall lulled me instantly into a relaxed sense of privacy and confidentiality as one would expect in an executive bathroom.
Upon successful bladder evacuation, one proceeds to the sink for hand cleansing. The soothing that started at the procellain liquid receptacle, continued when my visual and olfactory senses feasted on the beauty of a freshly cut flower bouquet.
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As I prepared to re-enter the rough seas of global economic competition by trying to dry my freshly shampooed and rised hands, I was ushered into the final stage of restroom relaxation. Instead of a towel – which would have been helpful – I was treated to more art (hand painted still life) and a contraption playing testament to the executive bathroom designers ability of planning ahead, anticipating the executive’s every hidden desire – a towel rack, which could in a pinch also double as a shirt or pants rack. Unfortunately it was missing said towel, nor had I have to clean and subsequently dry a shirt or pants. Still having wet hands I wiped them on my pants, which then put me in a position where I needed a rack to get my wet pants dried. This is smart thinking , since there was a rack at my disposal….kick me in the nuts and call me silly, but was I lucky or what?
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And this ends my awestruck report from the upper echelons of the Executive Bathroom. So please stay sharp.

Exhilaratedly and luxuriously relieved
Markus \m/

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